To break up is to make up … your life!

Is it life or is it just the weather but I don’t understand why, three months into Christmas, this seems to be a season of break-ups among my circle of friends. And as you can very well imagine, nothing can be more heart-rending.

Take for example Friend A who’s given it all in a relationship which appears to be one-way. She was the one who broke it off but now she wants to take it back, reasoning out that she can never live without him. We try to tell her that “God will send you someone better in his own time” even though we know it’s an exercise in futility putting some sense into the head of someone who is in love, blinded and absolutely hurting. She will heal for certain but now our challenge is to dissuade her from further calling/chasing her ex-boyfriend in a language (or even sign language) she can understand.

Friend B, on the other hand, asks me: “Do you think he will still call? I tried calling him but he won’t answer the phone” two weeks after her guy disappears into thin air. I try to tell her “surely, you’ve been through worse things before.” What I really mean to tell her is this: “well, what can you expect from a married man especially after his wife has found out about the whole thing? You’re beautiful and there’s no use wasting your life on something that was bound to fail. ” I just hope Friend B realizes in due time.

The truth is: break-ups bring out the worst, most hapless and desperate among all us but it can also bring out the best in us, if we are able to look deep into ourselves and take stock of the situation. After a decade of dealing with break-ups (including spray-painting an ex’s gray car with yellow, hehe), here are some survival tips for dummies. Share yours too.

– Resist the urge to call, text or email. If the other person is still hots for you, he will communicate. Supposing you reconcile just because you took the initiative, are you sure it won’t bring you back to the same old cycle? So resist.

– Avoid songs, objects and places which remind you of him. You don’t want to go crazy just thinking about all these things.

– Psyche yourself up. Stop making excuses for your lost love, like how he did this and how he did that. Focus on his negative qualities instead, like how life could be much better now without that snorer/Scrooge/slob!

– Go ahead, vent it out. It pays to share your unhappy feelings with your army of friends, just as long as they don’t make the situation worse than it is now by giving adverse opinions.

– Train your sights somewhere. Now is the time to notice the dude you’ve been ignoring for ages, take a new class, go out and meet more people. Think that he is just one guy in this world of a billion men and other men could be much better.

– Let go and just let it be. It sounds so cliche but it’s true. Life is unfolding as it should and if that someone is really meant for you, you will be together.

Break up, then make up your life. Gather enough strength to muster enough self-confidence after wallowing in self-pity for so long.There is nothing more exciting than the challenge of moving on. It always happens that four years, ten years down the line, you will laugh at the whole experience and say “how crazy I was then and he didn’t deserve much of it.” Believe that time gives you enlightenment and maturity; things will always get better 😛